What a Shame!

What a week! I haven't posted in 2 days, because my 13 year old decided until the last minute to do a project that he had 2 weeks to complete; therefore he has had the computer for the last 2 nights.
Last night was a great night. I have figured it out...if I make it through the night then I am OK. If I don't, then it is disastrous...don't think so? well.....
On Monday night my husband and my 2 younger children decided to go to bed about 8:30 which left me up all alone with the kitchen. For someone who is on a diet, this is a very dangerous thing. :) needless to say, I pondered on the idea of getting into the chocolate for about 30 minutes. Instead of doing what I had told my weight watchers leader I would do, I faulted and went in to the kitchen. Oh My Goodness!!! What did I eat? Are you ready for this? I had a 2 point chocolate weight watcher bar...still wanted something, so I ate 2 of my 1 point peanut butter bars, still wanted something, so then I ate about 4 miniature Hershey candy bars that were hidden in the freezer, then I remembered that there were some cosmic brownies in the cupboard - so i ate 2 of those.
Those of you reading this are probably going OMG! this girl is sick!! Well, if you are a person who is overweight and struggles with eating...you will understand. It is a sickness..A horrible sickness. I think I would rather be an alcoholic than eat like I do.
I went to bed that night feeling miserable, defeated, and ashamed. I don't understand why I am having such a hard time getting hold on this. When I was in college (which was only 8 years ago) I was dieting and exercising and was at a comfortable 150 lbs. I was still overweight for my height, but I was at a comfortable weight and felt good about myself. I don't know where I found the willpower to lose the weight back then. I know that I can do it..but how far do I have to reach inside my soul to find that determination and inner strength?
I talk to God about it. But just because he and I talk, does not mean that he will magically make the weight disappear. he is there for he to talk to and lean on so that he can help me through this.
Well, I had a good day Tuesday and today. I am furious at my husband tonight, because he decided that he wanted brownies tonight and he is in the kitchen making them. Now how in the world do I turn those away? keep me in your thoughts tonight...maybe I won't go on a brownie binge.