Tuesday, March 2, 2010
WHY???
Where do I start??? I sure do wish I could turn back the clock to June. Here it is, March, and I am back up to 247 lbs. Why??? How???? How do I let food consume my every thought? Why do I let it consume my every thought? Why does it make me feel so happy? What am I missing in my life that I need food for? WHY???WHY???WHY??? What do I do now? Why can't I get a grip? What in the hell is wrong with me? Why did I just eat a box of swiss rolls? Why do I eat so much that I make myself sick. What am I trying to fulfill or avoid? My job is great, my family is healthy...what is my problem? I guess I will start over again tomorrow. start over again for the one hundredth time. I asked a friend of mine yesterday to call me twice within the evening and make sure I was eating like I was supposed to. I guess she is so wrapped up in her 90 lb weight loss that she can't even pick up the phone and offer support to the one person who supported her for the last year on her weight loss journey. Very unfortunate! How uncomfortable I am. Everything hurts. My legs are swelling, my ankles are swelling and I can't sleep at night. Even with all of this I still can't wait to get home and relish in a box, bowl, or plate of something. It doesn't even matter what it is anymore! FOOD!!!! maybe if I start journaling again it will help. Any offers of encouragement out there would be wonderful!
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4 comments:
Hey Susan,
I am not a therapist but truly do believe that you need to find out the answer to your question "WHY" in order to start over on your weightloss journey. My main suggestions would be :
1. Talk to your Dr. re: ideas - he may consider some type of RX to "jumpstart" your wt. loss efforts...
2. Find lower pt foods that would satisfy you to eat.
3. Come up w/ alternative activities that you enjoy to substitute for eating = if you are eating to feed the emotions vs the physical hunger.
Please don't let the lack of support from your friends derail you from your own personal goals.
Yes - YOU DO WANT TO SEE YOUR CHILDREN GROW UP ( and enjoy grandchildren too !) - so you have to decide what needs to be done to make that happen.
Please feel free to write me anytime. I will admit - I am sometimes remiss about reading blogs - because very few folks that I know blog right now. So, don't hesitate to FB or email me.
Take Care of Yourself - there are a lot of people who love and care for you :)
Hang in there...I agree with Lucia abt not waiting for friends. When I joined WW I joined with a friend who quickly petered out. Same with the gym. buddies got me the membership. before long, I was the only one left. I really had to get to the point where I was doing this for me. Not Dennis, my kids or anyone else. My mom had 5 bypasses, dad 3 heart stints. Mom high blood pressure, type II diabetes...you get it. I felt like I was turning into her! I had to stop! you can you can you can do this. do not give up. Every day is a new opportunity to make a new choice. Every time we are faced with a decision to eat it or not is another chance to make the right decision. You can do it, you can.
Thanks for sharing this with me. I would love to help encourage you at work if you need me too. I do agree that you need to figure out the 'why'. You really need to think about what happened in your life that turned you to food for comfort. Until you can solve that memory, it will be a never ending battle. Also, it is motivation. I am in the same boat with you. My wedding is in like 26 days and I am just now realizing that I need to get working on myself. Sure I knew the entire time I was engaged that this day would come, but my motivation is not there. Lets get back into the gym together. Even if its MWF when we get out of YES early enough for child care. Thats 3 times a week and I know you see results because you have told me so. When you have let me know you lost weight you were on cloud nine. You have to keep that mentality no matter how hard it is. Don't beat yourself up if you slip up. Eat a swiss roll, but also know that you only need 1. What I have been doing is that I try to visualize what I am going to eat that day so I don't double eat something. I eat a simple breakfast, and if I eat bread at lunch then I don't bread at dinner and vise versa. Something as simple as that can change your eating habits.
I am here for you. I thought you were doing a good job of watching what you eat, but of course thats at school. Buy you some fruit and tell the children SORRY on the junk food. Get your whole family eating some what healthy and it might encourage you more.
Hope this helps!
<3
You can do it! (I need to remind myself of this too!!!) Hang in there and know that you are not alone in your struggles. There are so many people who battle with food addiction daily. You just have the courage to write about it and I am proud of you.
Mandy
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